Sometimes, I believe the Lord is looking down from the clouds, and thinking this: “How long is she going to go her own way?”

After a rebellious, and disobedient season, I found my way back to the Lord, and He welcomed me back with open arms. What a wonderful God, He is. I am in a season of return, and being alone with God. What a lonely season it is. No friends. No one to run to call on the phone when my spirit is low. No hanging out with others to relieve stress. No calls or texts really. It is just God and me. I will be honest, I was riding a rollercoaster, that I did not want to get off of. But, the Holy Spirit continuously convicted me and I made a conscious decision to serve God with everything: “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.” Romans 12:1

I am making a choice to serve The Most High God. My service to Him means that I am continually with Him, wherever He takes me, whether it be through the wilderness or relaxing at the beach. I am with Him through every season, because He has never left me, nor forsaken me. I believe I have an obligation to do the same.

No, it was not an overnight process. There was a serious tug of war with God, my enemy, and me. I was content where I was, things were good, but they were not God. I resisted from my Creator, the one who knew me from my mother’s womb. I could not see why I had to let go, of the things I wanted. Now, I see everything I give up for God counts. This walk is about continuously denying yourself: ” If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me” Matthew 16:24

The Lord revealed more of myself to me than I could see before. Once I started letting go, the Lord revealed the plans and purpose He had for me, I realized I had to deny myself more from the things that I wanted so that I could move forward and receive my blessings. It is hard to admit, that I was the problem in my life, when I have always been in a mentality to shift the blame onto others. When you grow with the Lord, you will have to be accountable for your life, and the choices you make. The beautiful thing about God’s love is He gives us the power of choice. I thought about my decisions and the steps that I took, and I had to decipher whether they were Godly aligned steps or my own. A shocking and hurtful surprise. I am the problem. Yes, I was the person that was blocking my blessings. I am alone with God, and realize He was, is, and will be the only thing I can depend on.