I did not want to know you. I did not want to know myself. It meant that I had to finally take off the veil of what I created from being so wrapped up in this world. There were layers, and I did not want to uncover them. I realized how broken I was, yet I never budged, I was. I was comfortable in the mess I created. I was living but in death. My flesh carried me into lust, depression, suicide, self-infliction, abortions, toxic relationships, abuse, repressed anger, overwhelming anxiety, addictions, and the list could go on. Despite, everything that I was walking with, I kept walking in it, I could barely find a reason for living. The more the Lord wanted to know me, the less I wanted to know Him. It took pain and suffering for me to know Him, and He allowed every ounce of it so that I could finally see, I need Him. ” It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I might learn thy statutes.” Psalm 119:71, Yes, I am glad that I went through pain, loss, lack, suffering, mistreatment, inflictions, abuse because It brought me back to My God. I know Him now. I seek to know more about my Saviour each and every day, He graces me with. He is a many-faceted God, his ways are not our ways, and I can’t even understand most of his goodness, nor the pain and lack He allows us to go through: But it is:“That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;” Philippians 3:10